The story of the Beat Generation novelist and poet, Jack Kerouac, who underwent a 63-day, self-imposed exile to battle drug abuse and demons of his past, while penning his novels. STORY COMMENTS DESOLATION ANGELS is a dramatic, character driven study of Beat Generation pioneer, Jack Kerouac. It’s a story of selfdiscovery, much like his “On The Road” trip of discovery. This script focuses on Jack Kerouac’s life struggle and journey with drug addiction and his decision to detox with a self-impose exile in an isolated cabin. The plot has merit.
The concept of watching Jack struggle through his years of addiction and through his harrowing detoxification is a film one can envision. In addition, Jack is the type of character that can attract talent. He’s an iconic figure in literary history. He’s a complex and fascinating man with great depth and inner turmoil. He has a range of emotion that would give an actor a lot to work with. The script is driven by strong themes that are interwoven within the concept, including healing, mourning, finding one’s self, rejection, and freedom. Jack’s external goal is sobriety. His inner goal is redemption.
The stakes for Jack are financial and personal. The time period is very authentic from establishing Jack’s hermit-like lifestyle, to the club scenes, to experimenting with drugs, to the written scroll, to his road trip, and to the friendships he establishes with icons Allen Ginsberg, William Burroughs, and Neal Cassady. The tone is dramatic, yet there is well-interwoven wit and humor. The pitch is very cerebral and intellectual. The storytelling mimics Jack’s own chaotic writing method and style of flash writing. At times, the presentation feels almost like a free flowing stream of consciousness.
In the script one watches as Jack undergoes a mental, physical, and spiritual breakdown. The idea of the exile is an effective way to structure the plot. The structure is told in a non-linear style. While this style initially engages, after a while it becomes a bit more challenging to follow. In fact, the first half of the script flows much more easily than the second half of the script. The writing style has an artistic flair, but it also makes the “readability” more difficult. It would benefit the script to try to make the script’s structure flow more effectively for the audience/reader.
The reality is that the script has to impress the reader/producer/agent. Later, the script can take on a more artistic style when filming or editing. Jack’s external goal is to gain sobriety and withdraw from drugs. This is a relatable and worthy goal that the audience can relate with. The viewer is rooting for Jack to overcome his addiction and find peace. His inner emotional goal is to heal himself and find resolution for the guilt he feels for surviving while his brother died and not living up to his father’s expectations.
Through his writing, he feels he can heal some of his wounds. His addictive personality to both drugs and women is well established, and emotionally it’s a way to hide his pain. The story opens at the beginning of his self-imposed isolation. It hooks the audience. Then the story transitions back and forth from his detox from drugs to his life story in which he became addicted to drug. The scenes at the cabin, for the most part, are clear and straightforward. It actually gives the audience a nice break from his chaotic life. Also, the contradiction works detox vs. ddiction, except that the script transitions too many times and it doesn’t always feel focused on the goal, so it’s very easy to get lost. This is what seems to confuse the reader: Too much time is spent with Esperanza the first time she’s introduced and the second time. Narrow her story to how she contributes to Jack’s addiction. Currently, her story is repetitive and this hinders the pace. Once the point with her character is made, move the story forward. (There’s also a typo when she’s referred to as Haverty on pages 18 & 21). Also, too much time is spent with Alene.
Again narrow the focus to how she contributes to his drug addiction and how she affects his writing. Continue to clarify why the agent is focused on Jack and how this adds to the plot. The script jumps from the death of Cannastra to the agent and a clearer transition is needed. Every character that comes into Jack’s life should be connected to either his addiction or to his detox. Cut non-essential characters, like Dali. Where the script becomes the most confusing is during his withdrawals around the midpoint until about page 100. It’s unclear if some of the scenes are flashbacks or part of his vision/ hallucinations/withdrawals.
They become too surreal (Esperanza). Perhaps tighten them. Later when he’s clearly having withdrawals and sees Gerald, it’s confusing to understand if the slap and spit actually happened or not. In addition, mixing the Gerald visions with visions of all the other characters diminishes the idea that Jack feels guilty about his brother. The major catharsis about his brother gets lost. One can feel Jack’s terror, desolation, and horror as he detox, and there feels like a spiritual uplifting moment when he comes down the mountain, but the ending is just too long after he comes down.
The audience is ready for the story to be over. As mentioned, cut some of those scenes like Dali. Consider cutting Jack’s sister and her husband. Right now, the story of addiction and detox gets lost. Try to keep the flashbacks as linear as possible as not to confuse the audience. For example, the brother’s funeral should come after we meet the brother. The key to a more effective script seems to be to balance of the cabin scenes balanced with the flashbacks, but they have to remain focused on the goal. Trying to tell every aspect of Jack’s life is just too overwhelming.
The backstory or flashbacks would benefit from being streamlined and being a bit more focused. There are so many changes in scenes, locations, and timelines that it makes the individual scenes become less distinguishable from each other. If nothing pivotal is revealed in the cabin scenes, there’s no need for the scene. There’s no doubt that Jack Kerouac drives this story. He makes for a very captivating character and definitely can attract talent for the role. He’s the iconic figure of the Beat Generation. He’s very dark, brooding, and layered. He’s introspective.
He’s driven by great inner pain. He’s obsessive about drugs, women, and religion. He’s haunted by his backstory of his brother dying at a young age. He mourns his death. He has interpersonal conflict with his parents, and he has a very addictive type of personality. His dialogue is highly poetic and cerebral. The voices reveal moods of the characters. It’s consistent to Jack as he talked in this style, but at times it also makes it a bit more difficult to fully relate to lack as a character. Ginsberg is another very compelling character, yet he doesn’t overshadow Jack.
He’s very supportive of Jack and he’s likable and engaging. Ginsberg acts as Jack’s protector. His dialogue is consistent with his character. Ginsberg and Jack share wonderful chemistry and it’s engaging to see them interact from the moment they meet to the very end. Burroughs is another very engaging character. In fact, his dialogue is the most distinctive and has many witty lines. He adds a nice layer of tension with Jack. He seems to challenge Jack and his writings. The three men feel like authentic characters and friends. Neal is a character that is a free spirit and spontaneous.
He plays a pivotal role in the plot and has a great influence on Jack and his writing. He’s the catalyst for Jack’s book ON THE ROAD and his free flowing thoughts. Jack sees Neal as a replacement for his brother. They also share good chemistry and feel authentic. In fact, Jack’s relationship with the men is more engaging than his relationship with the women. The women play strong roles in his addiction. They are fascinating characters, but the second time the audience meets Esperanza, she’s too surreal regarding being symbolic of death and his destruction. One wonders if there’s a need for both women.
It’s a bit fragmented going from Esperanza to Alene and then back to Esperanza. The dialogue sounds sharp, witty and snappy. Dialogue reveals information about character and their mood. “I’d rather sell my soul. ” Dialogue also contains conflict. Burroughs always seems to be challenging Jack when they speak. “It’s drivel, quarterback. ” “No it works well as an emetic or as a cure for insomnia. ” Jack’s father’s voice always reflects his disappointment in Jack. Ginsberg’s voice reflects their bond and friendship, as well as his need to protect Jack. There are authentic passages that add authenticity to the script