Many Scholars say that the grieving process can be altered within the death of a child’s parent(s) through therapy and other stress relieving methods. However, I would like to look at the ways the grieving process can be altered or eased through spirituality and having a close involvement with a religion. According to childrensgriefawarenessday. org that “Before they graduate from high school, one child out of every 20 children will have a parent die-and that number doesn’t include those who experience the death of a brother or sister, a close grandparent, an aunt or uncle, or friend” ( Children’s 3).
With hese facts present today the number of children going through the grieving process is extraordinarily high. I feel that with spirituality and a close relationship or involvement with a religion can help ease those children through the grieving process. I want to discover whether or not spirituality can help the grieving process, what is the grieving process and how it effects children, what is the grieving process and how it can be different for children. I also would like to determine if we can ultimately cancel out some parts of the grieving process so that it can be easier for children and fast to overcome.
Even though the grieving process is a very difficult subject for some and very different for everybody there are still the very broad approaches to grieving, such as “talking things through with friends, peers, relatives, a counselor. Crying, perhaps alone, perhaps with a trusted adult or friend. ” (Palmer Figure 1. ). The ways described here are reactions that people have to the grieving process and how they can interact differently depending on the person. Are these options really the best for children that are grieving?
In spirituality and loss, they author state “Unfortunately, for many hildren and adolescents, counselors often neglect the spiritual dimension of death and loss. ” (Muselman & Wiggins 1). The author later goes on to say “For example, some people question or abandon their religious or spiritual beliefs in the wake of death. Others are able to make meaning of death and access their spiritual resources as a means to cope with loss, making their adjustment to bereavement less difficult. ” (Muselman & Wiggins 1-2).
I love how the other puts emphasis on the fact that through spirituality the grieving process was less difficult. If a child is going through the pain of a parental loss why shouldn’t e try every angle to help them through it. Spirituality can be one of the best routes for a child during that time, like it says in Muselman & Wiggins page one they often neglect the spiritual dimension of death and loss. They try to ignore the fact that it can help the child. Now with religions there are some that will push their religion on you then some that will recommend it but not shove it down your throat.
I am not saying that we need to shove it down the child’s throat, I am just saying that we can suggest it to them as an alternative method to seeking help within their grieving process. During this time, you have to tread ightly around the child because he/she is very sensitive and is having a hard time controlling their emotions. “The usual emotions including anxiety, hurt, anger, guilt, depression, and feelings of abandonment may also be part of parental loss. ” (Crase & Crase 8). The children are feeling a mix of all these emotions and having a hard time keeping them at bay.
So, some things you can do is take the child to church on Sunday or tell the child a story from the bible that you know will cheer them up. If they are a little older instead of reading a story from the bible you can look up a passage in the bible that has to do ith death and the grieving process and how to approach it all from a spiritual perspective. This will give the child a chance to let their guard down a little bit so that you can talk about the death and how they are feeling and help give them advice.
With every tragic life event come effects, there are short-term effects and there are long-term effects. “Accumulating evidence suggesting that a child who suffers loss by death of one or more parents is likely to be more vulnerable to physical and emotional problems throughout adult life compared with those who have not experienced parental death. ” (Crase & Crase 8). This is one of the most important reason that we should all help children deal with their grieving process because we want them to be able to grow up having a normal life like someone who hasn’t had the loss of a parent.
That’s one of the long-term effects but short term effects happen the most because those start right away. Some short-term effects that we already discussed where but not limited to: anxiety, hurt, anger, guilt, depression, and feelings of abandonment. These will not come in stages but all at once where the child is overwhelmed with feelings and this is when drastic things can happen if action is ot taken right away. Everyone that is involved in a religion have founded the religion on different circumstances for different reasons but a relationship to god and a relationship to a parent have some things in common.
Like how it is stated here, “He maintained that his personal relationship with god offers a kind of love or attachment like that experienced (or sought) in the mother infant relationship. ” (Kelley & Chan 3). When a child is young he/she is depended on a parent to take care of them, in most cases it will be the mother but still can be the father. Within a relationship with God you are asking him for help, sking for forgiveness from him, and trying to please him. When you have lost the parent, you depend on when you are a child God can be a great alternative to turn to depend on like you did on that child.
According to Seibert there are five stages of grief. The first is denial, this stage “We might say, “No, this isn’t happening to me! ” We use this coping mechanism to protect ourselves. ” (Seibert 73). This stage is the reaction of the initial shock of the tragic event. The second is often anger, in this stage we come to the realization that it is actually happening and we are just mad at the world for what has happened. The third is bargaining, this stage has always been the most interesting to me because often people say “take me instead”. This stage almost goes back to the denial stage a little.
Next stage is depression, at this point “we are acknowledging the reality and finality of death. We have stopped fighting it. ” (Seibert 73). Once we acknowledge the inevitability of death we can move on to the next stage. Lastly, we have the fifth stage which is acceptance, “Often this is a quiet, peaceful stage, somewhere between sadness and happiness. ” (Seibert 74). This stage is more of an inside stage it happens by yourself when you feel hat you should be sad you should be happy for the passing of that person because they are in a better place now.
Seibert also says that “Although most people go through these five stages, they go through them at different rates, just as children’s understanding develops through different levels or stages. ” ( 74 ). We can never speed through the grieving process, it is a process that shouldn’t be fast. If it is fast then would we really even have emotions. However, a close religious’ faith can help you through the process to make it easier and less painful. God can act as your spiritual counselor and guide you through the grieving process.