Married couples make the decision to get divorced everyday, but what are the significant effects of this dramatic change? Divorce is when a married couple no longer want to be together and separate. It has become society’s most common practice. Being married is a beautiful, and joyful celebration and let’s say a couple has children, for them seeing the parents that they love so dearly come to the agreement of separating can be very upsetting to a child. In the U. S 42% of marriages end up getting a divorce, to put that in perspective that’s almost half of people that get married end up parting ways.
Divorce is likely to happen when the couple is low in education, being a child of divorce, or getting married too young. When children are involved there’s rules that need to be followed. That’s when the courts get involved and that all together can be a very stressful situation, for both the parents and the kids. Children dealing with this issue might ponder constantly on why it’s happening to them, what went wrong between their parents? , is there anything they can do to fix it? , is it their fault?
Divorce effects children emotionally, and physically for the remainder of their lives and the parents should be the ones responsible for the changes that happen to their kids. Marriages were cherished and desired in life to raise a family back in the day, it was needed to survive financially and socially in the United States. In an Encyclopedia of Pop Culture, 2015 From U. S History in Context goes through different aspects of divorce. Everyone knows the expectations of marriage meet, get married, make a family, live happily ever after.
The wife stays at home with the kids while the husband is making money to provide for the family. Americans were so used to that repetitive cycle when meeting the special one, that divorce was a scandal when people would hear about it happening. As time went by divorce starts to become almost a traditional situation. Many can argue that society has played a big role in ruining marriages, for example, men were seen as “roguish or even slightly dangerous, not undesirable qualities in a male. ” – St James Encyclopedia.. Which to some women, can agree that it’s difficult for us to understand why men do what they do.
While divorced women were “perceived as promiscuous; the addition of an unattached women to the pool is usually viewed as a threat to other females. “- St James Encyclopedia. This particular quote can be related to a rumor, an example is if a woman or man is dealing with a divorce it doesn’t mean you have various partners. Perceptions of divorce are commonly used in the media, which plays a big role in how we view it. For example, films contribute to this the Encyclopedia states the following films “The gay divorce”, “The Parent Trap”, Kramer vs kramer”.
These films and more make divorce an entertaining topic instead of a serious topic that it should be. Divorce has become a common phenomenon since the 1990’s and has lost its “social stigma” according to St John Encyclopedia. People may agree with this quote due to their personal experiences. In addition the films lack the reality of situations that actually happen in divorce. The movies don’t show how each individual in the film feels or deals with what they are being faced with. In the end of most movies everyone lives happily ever after, in reality nobody ever lives happily ever after when divorce is taking place.
Most say they go through difficulties and it would be great if the creators of the films can show society the real life stories of the effects of getting a divorce really does to families. The Encyclopedia states “Divorce remains a fixture in the twenty-first century”. This shouldn’t be a standard way to think of divorce, it disturbing to realize that the twenty-first century has come to this way of life. When it comes to divorce, most will readily agree that parents play a role in how their children through the tough time of it, however it’s the question of how are the kids dealing with it physically.
“In 2009, Fifty two percent f males and fifty eight percent of females had been married only once. Twelve percent of Americans had been married twice and three percent have been married more than three times. ” Understanding that in America Divorce is the “New Normal” is disappointing, marriages are supposed to be forever with the one you love. It’s probably hard for the little ones to find out that their family is falling apart. Furthermore now that divorce is the way to go parents don’t exactly know how hurtful it can be to the child. Some parents can disagree that their divorce isn’t affecting their children, when in reality it either does them good or bad.
In an article by John Bingham Social Affairs Editor he writes about a survey he did on “divorced parents and their children showing effects on children more are severe than adults realize. ” The survey demonstrated how children are reacting. First, kids that experience divorce in their life are “three times as likely to have seen their parents fighting as the adults realised, while significant numbers had turned to drinking, drugs, and self harm. “-John Bingham Social Affairs Editor. The fact that children are causing self harm to themselves is disturbing and upsetting.
Children can tend to blame themselves for the end of their parents marriage according to John Bingham. The children in the survey each had a different reaction as to why divorce is happening to them. Some kids were devastated about it, other hid their true feelings about it. Significant facts the author states is “one in twelve children said they had concluded that it meant their mother and father did not love them or had “let them down'”. On the other hand “13 percent of the children blamed themselves”. The statements that the author is providing us describes the true damage a big change to a family can do to a child’s life.
Although divorce is upsetting to the kids their parents should sit down and talk to them to prevent them from getting hurt. All together the survey is letting us know that parents shouldn’t be in denial that their decision of getting a divorce won’t affect their kids. Parents are naturally protective of their children when an emotional or traumatic situation happens, as parents they wanna help them as much as possible to prevent harm to their children. Furthermore in a study/ survey by Cherlin Andrew J. “Longitudinal studies on effects of divorce on children in Great Britain and the United States. writes about true facts that were taken during their study. First, as a child of divorce most people that have came around have shared what they have experienced. According to cherlin Andrew J. he says “children will witness the breakup of their parents marriages before they reach the age 18″. Many kids that have dealt with divorce may say it happened at a young age, which can lead to problems within themselves.
The author states” children with divorced parents experience more emotional and behavior problems a do less well in school than children who live with both biological parents. ” Failure in school isn’t the only factor, it can also be genders dealing with divorce a certain way. The author goes into more detail about the effects mostly about young boys stating “at least for boys, tempers the conclusion that the aftermath of divorce is the major factor in children’s adjustments. ” To see how badly divorce affects children more should be done about this issue, for example families should conduct meetings at home, especially to prepare their kids before the long term effects of divorce show.
Divorce can bring up feelings and emotions that a normal kid might not go through so early in their lives. In a website article called Trauma of Divorce and its Effects on Children, by Professor Stephen Joseph his essential question is “Should i wait until the children are older? ” Americans tend to believe that staying together just for the kids will help them. It actually takes away from the child’s well being , according to Stephen Joseph, PH. D. In a study Stephen Joseph and his colleagues did showed a significant “400 young people in their events had a high prevalence of posttraumatic stress.
Stephen Joseph. He was surprised when he found that the cause of all the stress was from the children’s parents divorce, which is a common feeling to have when these events are happening to someone. The study he completed tells us,“ We found that 29% of boys and 39% of girls who reported that their parents had separated or divorced had high levels of posttraumatic stress. “Stephen Joseph. In addition to that since children are easily affected by this we should treat this as Stephen Joseph says “with caution” and to not ignore the fact that young people are stressed out because of the split .
Married couples who are thinking of not being together should make sure they are positive with their decision and inform their children about what is going to happen next. If they don’t know what’s going on they could be causing more harm to their child’s well being. Nobody would want their child to feel upset or distressed about anything. A woman by the name of Jessica Gonzalez tells her story of divorce and how it’s affected her as an adult now. She grew up in Los Angeles California for five years of her life, then moved to South San Francisco.
She was asked three questions about her experience as seeing divorce take place and having one herself. The first question that was asked was how did she feel about her parents not being together. ” growing up was hard because not having my dad around made it hard to relate to men or boys especially older men because I didn’t know how to talk to them or be around them and I think it was important to have a male figure around and it just didn’t happen. ” She reacts in a way that you can see the hurt in her still from the separation of the parents she loves dearly.
The next question asked, was how did it feel when parents argue and they tell you their opinions of each other? She states” it was kinda hard because one would complain about the other and then you were put in the middle of it, I knew it wasn’t there intentions to do it, but it just put me in a hard position because sometimes | wouldn’t like one parent because of what the other parent said so i’ve just learned to ignore it as i’ve gotten older. The woman being interviewed and some other kids might agree that one parent may talk about another and it could be very bothersome.
The last question asked, was did you ever have to choose between the two parents? She goes on to say” Sometimes when it came to staying at one parent’s house on the weekend if one parent wanted me to stay with them more than the other, but it very rarely happened, but when it did it was hard because I didn’t want to hurt anybody’s feelings. After the last question she seems relieved after talking about her issue, because before she had never really spoken about it to anybody so when she did she explained a lot.
In conclusion, children are definitely affected by divorce, some are affected in deficient ways and some in valuable ways. Parents shouldn’t ignore the fact that they can do damage to their kids physically and emotionally by not dealing with it the proper way. Children are the future and as parents, friends, or relatives should protect and nourish them. Some may believe that divorce will always be normal and never change, but if people learn at an early age the effects there might be a change to the type of world we live in.
