The Effects of Children with Divorced Parents When two people marry and decide to start a family, they are making a commitment to being a whole family. Unfortunately, not everything goes as planned and 50% of these marriages end in a divorce (print source 1). The separation of the parents can cause many psychological effects on the children involved, no matter what the age or the circumstances. These problems are unavoidable and can have both long term effects on the children as well as many effects during the process of the separation.
The divorce does not have to be all negative though. Often times the separation relieves the child from at home stress and can release some weight off of their shoulders. As the number of divorces increase each year, parents need to be more aware of the outcome of the decision for the children involved. Divorce is a court judgment to end a marriage when a couple has decided to split. In order to get a divorce, a legal reason to want a divorce must be present and from there you will be classified into one of the eight types of divorce.
The eight types of divorce are summary divorce, uncontested divorce, default divorce, fault and no fault divorce, mediated divorce, collaborative divorce, arbitration, and contested divorce. Mediated divorce is the most common type of divorce because the mediator stays neutral between the spouses and gives them both the same information, making it much easier to find a resolution for the couple. If a couple cannot agree on the roperty or on child custody, you would be placed in the contested divorce category, where the judge will make all the decisions for the family based on what the judge feels is best for the child. Contested divorce is also the most expensive divorce due to the fact that the parents cannot agree on child custody, requiring them to hire attorneys and so forth. On average, it can cost anywhere between $15,000-$30,000, even for the easiest and cheapest divorce.
As the divorce rate increases, that also means there are more and more children being affected by divorce. 60% of divorces include children (print source 1). The type of stresses the children go through during the whole process of the separation can be extremely difficult for them to handle. The feeling of knowing their parents did not get along and no longer wanted to be together may not seem like it would bother the kids so much, but it really does. It is common that the child begins to take blame or feel guilty for what has happened to their family.
The idea that the parents have given up on a future of happiness together gives the child all sorts of mixed emotions. It can make a child feel a loss of trust and a loss of stability. It is hard to transition from a complete family, to having two broken homes. A child experiences first hand what it is like to have an intact family and then is forced to adapt to the complete opposite of a happy family. It is also very difficult for children to go through court with their parents.
Not all children get the option to choose which parent to live with, but some may. Being able to pick may seem like an advantage to some, but the fear of hurting the other parent can make it very hard on the child. Deciding which parent to live with could be one of the hardest and most stressful decisions to make. Parents and other adults should keep an extra close eye on their children while they are adjusting to their new conditions and surroundings. Not only are children going to have issues during the process of he divorce, but they are also going to have many long term effects too.
Many studies have proven that “children from divorced families had more behavioral problems compared with a propensity-score-matched sample of children from intact families (“studies from” 1). In other words, children coming from divorced families are at higher risk of misbehaving because the divorced caused them to have more anger, resulting in a more disobedient and rebellious child. These children suffer from issues as small as simple stress to as big as depression or anxiety.
There are also many studies that prove that children with divorced parents are more likely to drop out of school and “to experience serious social, emotional, and/or psychological dysfunctions” (Hetherington 4). This includes things like developing goals for the future, risky behaviors, lack of ambition, low self-esteem, or blaming the divorce for all of the child’s problems (Schaller 27). Unfortunately, one-third of all children also suffer from an absent parent. Generally the father tends to be the nonresidential parent.
The father becomes less and less active in the child’s life until they eventually do not communicate as often or in some cases, the father and child never talk at all. One of the biggest issues after a couple has separated are the new step parents. The children involved often feel like the new stepparent is trying to replace the role of their actual parents which tends to cause many issues in a household like fighting and resentment towards the parent who brought this outsider into their family.
The stepparent should try to be a positive role-model in the child’s life. One more main issue is holidays. Almost every holiday is meant to bring the family together, but now all of the sudden after a divorce children have two separate families. If the court did not state that families alternate holidays in the child’s custody papers, it then becomes the decision of the child to pick which family gathering they are going to attend. Again, children should not be split between homes and families over the holidays.
Long term disturbances have a greater effect on children than any other aspect of a divorce. Divorce seems to be a cruel thing for children. The child gets all these side effects from a decision they had no control over. They suffer these long term issues for many years in their lives. Studies have proven that children from divorced parents are twice as likely to drop out of high school or repeat a grade at some point in their life.
As a result from not doing well in school and/or dropping out, the child then most likely decided not to attend college, which can lead to the child having a harder time finding work throughout their life. It has also been proven that children are five times more likely to get expelled in result that the child tends to be more dependent and disobedient. The child is afraid of being abandoned making them more likely to abuse drugs and alcohol, commit violent crimes, and sometimes even take their own life (Hetherington 2).
These problems seem so current among kids that many do not think to blame divorce as the reason. It is very common for one to assume that the child is the way they are because they were not disciplined enough at a younger age or from a lack of caring. This may or may not be true. Take a step back and look at the family dynamic and what the child has gone through. Maybe then one will see that the things they do are a way for the child to get attention from their parents because they do feel abandoned or lonely and want the affection they have not been getting.
With the number of children with divorced parents being so high nowadays, learning the effect for what the children are going through needs to be more well-known to get them the proper help they need. Although the negative aspects outweigh the positives, a divorce has its perks too. If the relationship between the mother and father was abusive in any way, whether that be verbally, physically, or emotionally, getting a divorce is almost a blessing to a child. Being around negative energy could be doing more harm than a divorce would.
Getting a divorce seems real depressing and harmful, but look at the bigger picture. There is some beauty. When parents decide to separate, a child could learn a lifelong important lesson just by observing the way his or her parents handled the whole situation it in a civil and mature manner. Handling the situation maturely, meaning with respect for one another and with best intentions being for the children, will reduce the stress on the child and the amount of respect the child has for their parents will increase significantly (Ric y (Richards 1).
A situation like this can also demonstrate to the child how strong they really are. It will make the child see that they can overcome things they never thought they were capable of and really be a confidence booster for oneself. If there are multiple children involved, the older sibling(s) can take initiative in making sure the younger siblings are handling the whole process well and show the child a whole new level of maturity they did not know they had. The support from family can make all the differences in the world when coping through a divorce.
Having your family there by your side giving you support the whole way through is an amazing feeling. It can show the children how much they really are cared for and bring the family closer together making a tighter bond amongst them all. Divorce should not only affect the children negatively. It is refreshing to be able to step back and realize there is good in a bad situation. Getting a divorce can be just as hard on the children involved as it is for the parents. Children go through so many obstacles from the day they find out their parents are divorcing to many years later.
Many children do not even realize that they are having so many difficulties in school or getting in trouble so often because of the fact that their parents got divorced. It is hard for them to see that their actions and moods revolve around the situation they are going through with their family. As hard as it is for them, it can also be one the biggest life lessons they ever experience. How a divorce affects you relies solely on how much you really let it tear you down or build you up.
Being well informed on the topic of the effects of children with divorced parents is very important. There are just as many kids with divorced parents as there are kids with intact families. This means we need to know the effects of what the divorce has done to the child to have a better understanding of why the child is how he or she is. If everybody is well informed and has a sense of understanding, then as a whole, everybody can began to work together to try and resolve some of the problems these children have to face.
We should not leave these children to fend for themselves. It was not their decision for their parents to separate so it is unfair for the children to have to suffer thr so many unavoidable obstacles for so long of their life. If the world is more informed than the amount of issues the child faces could be reduced, giving the child a happier and easier life. Divorce will really change a child’s life, but whether it affects the child positively or negatively cannot be controlled.
