Sex. The word alone, not only grabs your attention, but also probably makes you feel a little uncomfortable. For some reason, talking about sex has become a taboo in this modern day society. This norm has developed and has affected our society in more ways than you would imagine. This is, arguably, one of the most important social norms this country needs to break. This idea of sex being uncomfortable/wrongful to talk about is something that can only lead to many consequences among American youth. In order to understand the consequences of this social norm, one must understand the root of this taboo.
According to cultural anthropologist Ernest Becker, sex is such a problem because it reminds humans of their basic, core animalistic nature (Heflick). In other words, sex has branched away from being purely for child baring purposes and this concept makes people uncomfortable. The premise of the sexual revolution was that sex could be enjoyed for its own sake, free of any societal shackles, but culture is a deeply rooted thing, it is hard to change once something is implicated. In spite of how sex’s purpose has changed, it is still often seen as wrongful and with that comes negative connotations.
Because of this, American youth is not learning the truth about sex. People find it such an uncomfortable subject to talk about that it is reflected in the forms of education given to adolescents. In fact, according to a March 2012 report released by the National Conference of State Legislators, only 21 states and the District of Columbia require schools to teach sex education. And, in a finding that should jolt parents and teachers out of their chairs, only 18 states require that the information be medically accurate (Bader). Young people deserve to have proper, accurate, and mature lessons about ex. The taboo that sex is a private, embarrassing topic is hurting new centuries of children immensely. Not only is sex education seriously lacking, but it also tends to have negative connotations involved while teaching it. The most popular form of sex education in America, and often the most funded, is something called “Abstinence Only Education. ” This means that sex is often portrayed as an act that is frowned upon and abstaining from sex is the only solution. Schools receiving the funds from this education system must teach students that they should “just say no” to sex until they are married.
The schools are not allowed to teach students about safe sex and may not mention contraception except to point out the failure rates of various methods. This form of education is an attempt to use a scare tactic on teenagers and make them fear sex, rather than understand it. In fact, there’s a metaphor for sex that teachers around the country like to use, that is particularly appalling. I actually had the “pleasure” of hearing this talk at my school. It involves a piece of tape, stuck on and then ripped off the arm of every student in the class.
Because tape is a temporarily cohesive agent, it gets dirtier and loses its stickiness after only a few arms. The tape in this metaphor is meant to represent virginity (almost always a woman’s), and the lesson is that the more people you get “stuck” on, the dirtier and less valuable you become. This talk was honestly one of the most disturbing things I have ever witnessed. This woman who gave a talk at my school was practically saying that having sex would make you less of a person. Moreover, this metaphor was practically objectifying women in a way that made them seem like objects. Never did she mention the man’s part of the activity.
I believe, quite frankly, that this form of education needs to be abolished. It is not only enforcing inaccurate perceptions of sex, but it also encourages sexist behaviors. Women are objectified enough in a day to day society, it is time that schools stop encouraging that behavior. A woman named Rebecca Glasure considers herself to be a “gamer” she states that she created her avatar as a large African American man in order for “people to take her seriously” (Dibbell). This is really discouraging. If women were portrayed differently within the sex education system, we would no longer be perceived as objects.
In spite of this failure from the American public school district, one might think to themselves, “At least parents are having sex talks with their children! ” Unfortunately, this couldn’t be farther from the truth. Sex education at home is almost stent. Sex education should be a parent’s responsibility; but in many cases, the parents are ill-equipped to adequately educate their children on all the factors regarding safe sex, and all the consequences of unsafe sex, or are too embarrassed to talk to their children about sex, and vice versa.
As a result, the issue may never be addressed which may lead to the child making uniformed, unhealthy decisions about sex. Moreover, parents often face a great deal of resistance from their teens when they raise the topic of sex. Teens often don’t welcome these conversations and are embarrassed by them. Many parents, in fact, confessed that they are frankly relieved when their teens do not want to have family conversations about sex; they aren’t particularly comfortable with this topic either. The parents’ stories made me realize just how hard it still is to talk about sex in our culture.
For years, I viewed sex as something to be ashamed of, and to never be talked about. I grew up in a church which, like many churches, taught us that sex before marriage was Wrong with a capital W. To their credit, they also taught us that sex within marriage was the only exception, but still. This was a church where one of the pastors hadn’t even kissed his wife until their wedding day. This religious idea was strongly withheld in my household. My mother was so strict with boys that I wasn’t allowed to go out alone with a boy until I was 18 years old. All that time I was afraid of sex. I was taught that men would purely take advantage of me.
I had to teach myself that sex is a normal and natural thing and I shouldn’t be afraid of it. I have come to realize my mother’s tortured ideas of sex and self-image stem from what her mother taught her, what society taught her, what her negative sexual experiences ingrained in her. I’ve accepted that her demons are her own, but figuring out how near me I will allow those demons to get is an ongoing struggle. However, after a lot of work, I have discovered that it is normal and okay to not feel the same way as my mother taught me to feel. We are at a time now where social norms have been and continuously are being challenged every which way.
People seem to be becoming more aware of social norms and how some of them need to be broken. One of these social norms should be the taboo of sex. Providing inadequate, inconsistent, medically inaccurate and socially biased information regarding this natural act should be illegal, in my opinion. Kids in this day and age should be given the opportunity to learn about the aspects/dangers of sex in a real way. Teenagers do not deserve to grow up in a state of fear over something completely natural. This social norm is detrimental to American teenager’s futures.
