WAKING THE WOLF presents as a dark, crime comedy. The goal is well defined and the stakes are fairly high and personal. The plot is straightforward. There are solid themes about revenge, redemption, and second chances. While there’s merit in the idea of a distraught husband kidnapping his unfaithful wife, the script would benefit from more development in the areas of character development, tension, and comedy style. First, the opening and first act clearly set up the ordinary world of the protagonist, Webster. The script clearly establishes that he’s a rather passive man with a controlling wife, who treats him like a dog.
He’s also financial desperate. When he catches his wife being unfaithful this is a pivotal plot beat that gives him the idea of kidnapping his own wife. It’s a solid hook. The inciting event and catalyst that moves the story forward is the actual kidnapping. This scene is nicely done when his plan goes wrong. It’s a violent scene, but it fits with a dark, crime comedy. The second act is driven by the goal of collecting the ransom. The protagonist encounters plenty of obstacles that he has to overcome, including the threat of discovery. The second act also offers some nice twist and turns, when he teams up with Dirk to rescue his wife.
There are constant threats that his secret will be discovered. The plan to frame Freddy is also very clever, especially the idea of the video with Freddy on it. On a smaller note, it seems as if both Debbie and Webster hear the doorbell, but if the room is soundproof, it’s not clear how they would hear this (page 27). There’s a strong midpoint reversal when Debbie realizes her kidnapper is Webster. There’s a very smart story choice when she decides to go along with the ploy to collect the ransom money, and she even wants more, which fits effectively with her personality.
The hacking off of her finger definitely adds to the dark comedy style. The third act is a little more chaotic and not as well structured or engaging. The idea of the dog coming home works well, as Dirk discovers the truth. However, the idea of Webster running off doesn’t engage. It might have worked more effectively if Dirk, at this point, overpowered Webster and held him in the soundproof room. This would be poetic justice and ironic. The rest of the series of events can still unfold with Debbie trying to hit Dirk with the statue and even Freddy stopping by and maybe Dirk does hurt Freddy.
Showing Webster escaping from his soundproof room might be more engaging versus the current events. However, it should be noted that the police scene feels like it lacks credibility. One doesn’t really understand why they would leave given the violent scene and blood. Also, there’s no closure regarding the loan shark. They need to be incorporated more effectively into the overall plotline. The main elements of this script are very workable, but the concern is that the characters, unfortunately, are not likable or relatable and the comedy style doesn’t create enough genuine laughs. First, the characters need to be stronger comedic characters.
They all feel a bit too immature and juvenile. While it’s okay to have some childish aspects, they need to be more relatable and they need to be funnier. Granted, humor is very subjective, but right now, none of the characters feel rootable. For example, in SERIOUS MOONLIGHT the characters are ones that the audience likes and actually roots for. In FARGO, while the characters are offbeat and quirky, they are compelling and endearing. Unfortunately, Webster is a bit too pathetic and a little unhinged, and one never really sees his true heart, until the end when he receives the text from Debbie, but feels too late.
Webster transforms from passive to aggressive and he finds his inner wolf, which is admirable, but try to find a way to make him more likable from the first act. The goal is to convince the audience to root for him. Debbie also never fully engages but there’s potential, especially when she wants to continue the kidnapping ruse and collect more money. She can be a really strong comedic character. The key is trying to find the right comedic beats in her personality. Dirk is a bit too exaggerated. The idea of his backstory is intriguing, but his voice/accent is too disengaging and makes him sound too cartoonish.
Freddy is also considered “child-like,” which can work, if all the other characters were more distinctive. The idea of him being an action flick fan is fun. The dialogue is consistent with each character reflecting their values and motivations. As mentioned, one isn’t engaged to Dirk’s voice. Consider foreshadowing the videotape/recording that Webster has of Debbie (pages 40/41). The tension rises with the threat of discovery, but because the characters are not rootable, at least until the end, the overall tension feels too mild.
Making Dirk more of a despicable character that the audience comes to loathe may help enhance the emotional investment in Webster. Thus, consider making Dirk more realistic, but a terrible and punitive boss. This will hopefully create more empathy for Webster (as long as he’s not too childish or immature). Another way to elevate the tension is to incorporate the loan sharks more effectively into the plot, especially in the third act. In fact, to make Webster more redeemable (versus killing Dirk), the loan sharks could show up and they end up killing Dirk. It’s something to consider.
On page 47, make sure to show versus tells regarding Dirk (this is not an act etc. ). Remember, the audience can only see what’s on the screen and they don’t read the descriptive notes. There’s a small noted typo on page 6: “Freddy pretend-stabs. ” On another note, the idea of the pencil and eraser is set up and well paid off, however, the pay off might have more ironic humor if it were Dirk who mentioned the pencil and then “Karma” happens when he’s killed or stabbed by the pencil. Overall, the idea has merit and it could be very funny, but the comedy style needs to be revisited, as well as the characterizations of the cast.