Due to the vast diversity in the lifestyles and other facets of life, middle adulthood is ill-defined and frequently varies from person to person (Belsky, 2013). In order to understand the various life developments experienced during middle adulthood, I interviewed fifty-one-year-old Lilly. Lilly is a former cosmetologist and mother of three currently living in Murfreesboro. After the birth of her second child, Lilly left the workforce to become a stay at home mother.
However, Lilly recently began a part-time job as a guest coordinator at a local salon. She expressed being nervous about reentering the workforce after being unemployed for nearly two decades. Lilly deeply loves and is proud of her three children and her husband, with whom she shares a twenty-three-year marriage. In her free time, Lilly enjoys spending time with her family, watching television, and shopping. I met Lilly six months ago when she became my neighbor. I conducted the interview at her house over the extent of an hour.
Through interviewing Lilly, I hoped to have a deeper understanding of some of the developments and milestones many adults undergo during this stage. Also, I hoped to gain insight into this future life stage and better understand the adults in this stage in my life, such as my parents. During the interview, I asked Lilly a series of questions about her cognitive and physical changes, family, and career. Throughout the interview, Lilly discussed her marriage and her family.
She described her marriage as being very positive and loving. When asked how she managed to stay married for nearly twenty-four-years, Lilly described having lots of love and commitment, their children, and their mutual faith beliefs; additionally, she credited having separate interests as well as activities they enjoy doing together, such a weekly date night, for her successful marriage. On the other hand, when asked about conflict in her marriage, Lilly described resolving conflict calmly and rationally.
However, she explained that her and her husband occasionally argue and they typically give each other space and do not take things personally. Moreover, Lilly reported being excited about parenthood and only experiencing the adjustments of having a newborn. She did not feel parenthood was excessively difficult. She explained her expectations of motherhood as being able to provide for and nurture her children alongside her husband; Lilly feels that being a mother exceeded her expectations. However, Lilly was married prior to her current husband for three and a half years.
Although she feels there was not any additional problems within their marriage, Lilly explained her first husband had an affair; she feels the affair was the result of the freedom her first husband experienced after moving out of his strict parents’ house when they got married. Additionally, Lilly reported feeling upset and hurt after her divorce, she also felt relief at the resolution of her marriage. Furthermore, Lilly worked as a cosmetologist for fifteen years; also, she described desiring to be a cosmetologist since she was a child.
Lilly reported loving her career because of the affect she can have on others; she enjoyed meeting and talking to new people, befriending and becoming a confidant for her clients, and giving her clients confidence. Although she treasured her career, she quit her job in order to become a stay at home mom after the birth of her second child. When asked if she would consider returning to her career field, Lilly explained she feels that she has been out of cosmetology for too long and various trends and techniques have changed; however, she stated she has enjoyed working in a salon again.
In addition, Lilly reported that the changes she has experienced while aging as a factor in her decision to return to the cosmetology field. Among the various changes, Lilly expressed that she is becoming increasingly forgetful and her vision is worsening progressively. Other changes Lilly reported include changes in her personality and maturity. She explained that she has become more kind, responsible, and mature as she ages. Additionally, Lilly stated that she has become less of a risk taker with age and as her responsibilities have increased.
During the interview, I noticed several developmental theories present in Lilly’s answers. For example, Lilly described credited her nearly 24-year marriage to love and commitment; however, she explained that she and her husband have a weekly date night and occasionally do things without their children. According to Robert Sternberg’s triangular theory of love, Lilly and her husband fall under the consummate love category, or the “ideal form of love, in which a couple’s relationship involves… assion, intimacy, and commitment” (Belsky, 2013).
Lilly depicted her marriage as being full of love and commitment, but she also described trying to remain passionate through weekly date nights and various trips and activities without their children. Additionally, Lilly reported giving one another space and not taking hurtful comments personally when argument arise. According to research studies, couples are able to remain happy if they do not get personal during arguments and are sensitive to their spouses’ need for space (Belsky, 2013).
Lilly and her husband’s style of resolving conflict is a key factor in determining the happiness of their marriage. On the other hand, Lilly reported feeling relief in addition to hurt and betrayal after her divorce. The feeling of relief is a common feeling after the resolution of an unhappy marriage (Belsky, 2013). Although Lilly did not notice any other martial problems before the divorce, her husband’s affair caused their marriage end negatively and caused her feelings of relief.
On the other hand, Lilly reported loving her fifteen-year career as a cosmetologist. She felt cosmetology was rewarding career because of the social aspect and her ability to increase other’s confidence. Lilly’s motivation to join and work in this career field were intrinsic rewards, or inner fulfillment and love for the career (Belsky, 2013). Additionally, Lilly reported deciding on cosmetology as a child and feeling that she was designed to work in this field.
According to Holland’s personality types, Lilly is a social type, or the type of person that “enjoys helping others and… interacting with other human beings” (Belsky, 2013). Lilly not only chose her career field based off her personality, but she also drew enjoyment and fulfillment from her career due to this decision. However, although she loved her career, Lilly decided to quit after the birth of her second child. Lilly experienced a family-work conflict, or being “torn between the demands of family and work” (Belsky, 2013).
Along with many other mothers, Lilly experienced guilty from being away from her children while at work, and made the decision to become a stay at home mother. Through my interview with Lilly, I gained insight into the developments and milestones of middle adulthood. To explain, I now better understand the importance of remaining happy and passionate in a successful marriage. Also, I feel that I better understand the adults in my life in the middle adulthood stage, especially my parents. Like Lilly, my mother gave up her career after giving birth to me.
After this interview, I understand the conflict my mother underwent when she decided to give up the career she loved to become a stay at home mother. I now have more respect and admiration for my mother for sacrificing her career for my siblings and myself. Also, I have more insight into my parents’ marriage and the work and love it has taken for them to stay together for over twenty-five years. I feel that I now have a deeper understanding of the adults in my life and the developmental milestones they are undergoing as they age.
