Acting on my own motives is quite difficult for me because I believe that it is easier to follow what your peers tell you to do or to follow those who I have respect for and look up to. Getting emotionally and physically hurt from listening to the advice of others caused me to change the way I made decisions and gave me a new identity. I started to do what I thought was right for me instead of what others believed was right.
The moment that helped me change the way I approached situations was the time that I hurt myself from power lifting at Bally’s Total Fitness, which was my local gym, listening to the advice that my friends (peers) gave me. I was in high school at that time that I picked up a pastime hobby of power lifting. Power lifting is when an individual tests his strengths by attempting to lift heavy weights with good form. This hobby of power lifting helped me relieve stress and gave me time to hang out with my friends doing something that we all enjoyed together.
The advice we gave to each other on how much weight that we thought the others could lift was merely a guess based on our opinions since all of us were inexperienced in this hobby. That day when I was convinced into thinking I was able to do a much heavier weight than what my instincts told me I could do was the day I finally started to stop relying on what others said and focus more on what I think. Leaning back in my seat during Math class while waiting for the bell to ring so I could regroup with my friends and head to Gym. It felt like hours for the bell to ring but in reality it was only a couple of minutes.
I bolted out of my classroom and headed to my lockers so I could pick up my gym clothes and drop off my schoolbooks. As I was heading to the bus stop to meetup with my friends, I was still stressing about the English Test that I took but that thought faded away as| approached the Q30 bus stop where my friends Hua and James was already waiting at. As we got on the bus I asked “What we doing today at the gym Hua? ” Hua replied “We are going to exercise our lower back by deadlifting. ” We got off the bus and approached a beige building with many people jogging on treadmills by the front windows.
I was relieved of all the stress that accumulated during the day at school when I saw this building. We joked around as we got ready and then headed to the weight room. When Hua, James and I stepped into the weight room, we were surrounded by groups of different people from different backgrounds and an abundant amount of machines. There was little to no Asian people at the gym which made us the minority amongst the power lifting and body building enthusiasts. We have broken somewhat of a stereotype of Asian’s being scrawny and not going to the gym because we are too busy studying or playing video games.
There was a corner open that was capable for the dead lifting so we headed to that corner and set up the barbell. Dead lifting was an exercise for the lower back and it required us to pull the barbell along our leg up to torso from the squat form while keeping your back straight. As I walked up to the barbell with my warmup weight on already, I felt butterflies in my stomach. I reached down and got into the squat position. Took a deep breath and yanked the barbell upwards towards my torso while keeping my back completely straight.
Holding the barbell while in an upright position, I looked in the mirror and thought to myself I got it. I dropped the weight downward to the floor while squatting down. Hua looked at me and said “Good Job bro, light weight. ” With that compliment I felt relief and accomplishment but also felt exhausted. “We are going to increase the weight David” Hua told me as I was resting from the tiresome exercise that I has just performed. I was a bit skeptical but eventually replied “Alright man. ” Even though I didn’t really want to increase the weight on this exercise for my last set, it was easier for me to say yes and just go with it.
I had a bad feeling about the weight while I was getting prepared for my last set with a new weight that I never tried before. “Bro I think I’m going to try this weight because the set before this was a little heavy” I told Hua and James. But they immediately relied with “No man you got it, the last set was easy for you. ” I wasn’t relieved from that comment but I just went with what they wanted me to do. I stepped up to the barbell and took a deep breath. I yanked it upwards while trying to keep my back straight but suddenly I heard a popping sound. I dropped the weight instantly and felt a sharp pain coming from my lower back.
I knew something was wrong when I was not able to bend over even at a very slight angle. The pain was overwhelming so I slowly retried my stuff from the lockers and headed home because I knew that this injury would cause me to not exercise anytime soon. I felt disappointed in myself while walking home because I never would have thought that I’d get hurt from listening to my friends advice. The physical pain was also followed by the emotional pain. I started having doubts on all the choices that I made that helped lead up to my current situation at that moment. It made me feel that I was stupid for listening to what my friends told me to do.
These thought would slowly go away as the days passed and I started to feel much better. While | waited for my full recovery, I did not attend the gym for the next two weeks with Hua and James which gave me time to find ways of helping myself with my decision making skills. Soon I would return to the gym and feel like a completely new person. Slowly | developed myself as an independent individual that listened to others but followed what my heart told me to do. This process of helping myself develop the sense of acting on my own principles did not happen overnight rather it is still going on every day.
This injury helped me think more of what I want than what others want because I was not prepare to get hurt again. Instead of doubting myself and self-criticism for not following my own paths and just going with what my peers wanted me to do, I learned from mistakes and try to make changes to my selfconfidence in my own decision. “Will you regret it if you don’t do it? ” is what I ask myself every time I am in a tough situation. This process of developing myself on my own principles is ongoing and won’t end anytime soon.