ONLY THE LONELY tells the true-life story of music pioneer Roy Orbison. The music, era, and culture come to life authentically. It’s very enjoyable to “watch” the iconic music figures like Johnny Cash, Elvis, and the Everly Brothers interact with Roy Orbison. There’s no doubt that Roy is a character that remains an iconic pioneer in the music industry. Films based on iconic musicians have been successful, such as WALK THE LINE. However, it can be challenging to recreate a compelling life story that spans so many years.
This is, unfortunately, what happens in his script. While there are strong moments, the overall script would benefit from more development. The script spans Roy’s lifetime, but the script doesn’t produce enough compelling tension to sustain the overall plot. The script effectively tells various episodes or snippets of Roy’s life, but there isn’t a well-identified emotional theme or goal that drives the story. The series of events don’t always feel fluidly connected.
They feel more like moments from Roy’s life versus telling a rich and exciting story that reveals information about Roy that the audience may not know. It may benefit the script to focus more on one element of Roy’s life and career. Like in WALK THE LINE, the story focused on the early career of Johnny Cash, his drug abuse, and his relationship with June Carter. The story felt more focused and the stakes were clearer. In ONLY THE LONELY, the premise lacks that same type of focus and stakes. One never feels that Roy is focused on one objective or that the jeopardy or stakes of his career are at risk.
Thus, one possible solution is to try and focus the story more effectively on one aspect of Roy’s life, versus trying to tell his entire life story. It could focus more on his early career or it could focus on his relationship with Claudette. In fact, the best tension in the script, as structured now, concerns Claudette. The story becomes much more engaging when she discovers a love letter and then embarks on her own affair and tells Roy. It’s not fully developed yet, but it’s more intriguing because it generates more conflict and anticipation than the other areas of Roy’s life.
Or the story could focus on Roy’s relationship with his friends, in the early years and how his successes lead, not only to the band breaking up, but also to the ending of friendships, and then later he reconnects. The main note is to find a “hook” in Roy’s life that can generate intriguing and compelling tension to maintain the interest of the audience. If Roy has a flaw that the audience isn’t aware about, then focus on this. For example, if he suffered from stage fright focus on how he overcomes this. There seems to be some themes about abandonment and rejection.
Highlight these themes for Roy and show how he overcomes them. The other concern about the presentation is that Roy doesn’t always come to life as a character that is distinctive enough. Roy is reactive, but not very proactive as a character. Show more of his struggle, both externally and internally. Try to make Roy a more fascinating character. Show the audience what makes him a unique and special character. Like in the film GREAT BALLS OF FIRE, the character of Jerry Lee Lewis is bigger than life. The depiction of him as a “wild man” who doesn’t conform to society’s rules is well conveyed.
This story focused more on his rise and fall, as the scandal about his marriage overcame his career. Again, the story focused more on one major aspect of the musician’s life story providing plenty of personal tension. The personal and professional stakes for Jerry Lee Lewis were well defined and very high. As presented, Roy doesn’t have much of a personality. His emotions feel rather flat versus authentic. His reactions to various situations like the death of his wife and his sons don’t move the audience. This may be due to the lack of selecting the right descriptions and words to convey Roy’s heartfelt feelings.
Thus, try to find a way to emotionally connect Roy to the audience and show how these tragedies give him great inner conflict. Describing him as staring off in shock or having a shock gazed doesn’t convey his emotions strongly enough. When his boys are killed, again, the words “Roy is shocked” doesn’t provoke an emotional response. Try to give him some really gut-wrenching visuals that convey his emotional devastation over the loss of his family. The same concern occurs with the break up of Roy’s marriage to Claudette. He seems to have no authentic reaction that creates an emotional response.
Claudette feels a bit more natural and she sounds more conflicted about her affair. Claudette is actually a very likable character. She’s feisty and spunky as the teen that lies about her age. As the older Claudette, she’s more insecure about her role in Roy’s life. While there’s more room to develop her, she has great potential. Continue to work on their love story and make it feel like the greatest love story being told, so when she dies, the audience feels the heartbreak that Roy should feel. There’s an ensemble cast of supporting characters.
They actually feel authentic, but because of the expansive timeline, the story doesn’t really focus on a central relationship for Roy i. e. his friends, producer, or partner. The dialogue has strengths and weaknesses. There’s some really powerful and compelling dialogue, especially early on. For example, his father’s voice on page 5 nicely conveys the message about the power of music, “The memory of our songs and the feelings we shared will remind those who live on that we were once here with them. ” On page 13, Roy shares nice dialogue regarding his feelings about music.
It should be noted that Roy as a younger boy feels much more realistic and authentic versus the older Roy. On the other hand, some of the dialogue sounds on the nose (example page 74, Roy and Claudette). Overall, the script is heavy with exposition and the dialogue needs to be trimmed. There are some scenes that don’t require dialogue at all. For example, the scene in which he has his hair dyed doesn’t require any conversation. Just show him walking into the beauty shop looking one way, and then show him walking out of the beauty shop with dark hair. Let the visual tell the story. Remember, dialogue isn’t always needed.
Try to convert dialogue into images or actions. Cut some of the dialogue about his hair or what he looks like in the scene with James Morrow (page 19). Trimming and streamlining the dialogue will also enhance the pace. Dialogue slows it down. For example, some scenes feel like they run too long. This includes the scene in which Roy meets Barbara (pages 103 through 108). Long scenes also slow the pace. The script runs too long at 140 pages. This should be a story under 120 pages. There are several formatting errors including spacing, missing scene headings, and dialogue not being properly formatted.
If someone is speaking, don’t explain they are speaking; instead properly format this in dialogue. Cut the reference to the camera. The descriptions of the scenes feel overly written. Avoid thick or dense pages. Here are a few examples: pages 4 and 44. Only includes a line or two of description per paragraph. Be more concise. The script also has a tendency to explain or tell feelings rather than show it. Remember, the audience can only see or hear what’s on the screen or what a character says. They don’t read the narrative descriptions (this only works in a novel/book).
For example, there’s no way for the viewing audience to know what the soldiers are talking about (and is this needed in the story? ). On page 26, the narrative explains Roy’s feelings about being tired after performing versus showing. Avoid descriptions like: “something is troubling her. ” Again, show emotion through action and words vs. telling. In summary, streamline the storyline. Find the hook for the story of Roy’s life. Consider focusing more on one aspect of Roy’s life and the emotional premise (message of the story), rather than trying to tell everything about his life, which doesn’t generate enough tension.
