As a child, I always used to wonder why can’t my parents be friendly with me? Why can’t they try to see where I’m coming from? All I wanted was them to spend some time together as a family and not having felt as I was in school 24×7. Was it because they were under the cultural influence which was directing them to maintain parental gap? The answer is yes; they were just practicing their cultural norms. As being originated from Indian family, my parents always maintained that boundary line which never let me cross my thoughts across to them. As a result, I kept all my thoughts, my views and peer problems to myself.
From being a brilliant kid, I became a person with passive personality: always scared, nervous and feared socializing because I was thinking less of myself. Negligence of my parents started reflecting on me when I came back to the United States after 13 years. This was the time when I realized how different I was than my peers. My cousins who belonged to Indian family too were completely different than me. Their parents never neglected the fact that they were in their learning stage, and they would exhibit the same exposed behavior when grown.
So as of a result, their parents firmly placed the rules to get the desired behavior than enforcing them. Parents were open to them regarding all the problems and questions they had about the surrounding environment. After examining the difference between parenting style and its related consequences, I realized that this was the time to bring some change for myself, after all, I was affected by my parents authoritarian ruling style. At this point, my parents with their individual viewpoint started to have variance on me adapting to the new environment.
Having different perspective towards society’s operation caused tension within our family. Now the question arises,” Don’t parents realize that too much parental control halts child’s personal growth? ” Such type of parenting style is referred to as authoritarian. “Authoritarian parents utilize strict and harsh child rearing techniques with an absolute set of standards to which children must conform while permissive parents provide too few rules, boundaries, or restrictions for their children” (Chong, et al 1).
Parents must not adopt authoritarian parenting style as it contributes to such behavior which is never welcomed by them when presented and further leads to tension within the family. This parenting style develops such consequences which leave kids down with psychological and personality disorders, consisting problems like fear of failing at each step of life, withdrawing oneself from socializing and turning out to be authoritarian towards parents as an adult. Parents practicing such type of parenting style set high standards for their kids and expect them to follow.
When children fail to meet such standards they have to deal with their aggressiveness which can take form of any abuse and the degree can vary from just being scolded to severe punishment. Moreover, parents provide kids with conditional love based on their performance level. If children work according to their parents preferred level, they are provided with parental love; otherwise, no warmthness is exposed to them. As a result, kids try to achieve the demanded obedience which is mostly driven by fear.
Not only expected behavior is derived from fear, but parents also se guilt and shame to encourage their child. “A few studies indicate that authoritarian parenting style, marked by use of psychological control measures whereby parents enlist shame and guilt in their communication with their children, has a negative influence on the development of El in the latter” (Chong, et al 1). Instead of motivating them, parents expect kids to obey all their rules without question. Some kids choose to suicide under so much pressure. They feel suffocated in the environment where they are always asked to meet desired standards.
They think that no matter how well they do, they won’t be ever able to achieve their parents desired standards. Despite the fact how well kids do, they should always be given the parental love as they are in their developing age. Kids are like a block of wax which can be molded into a beautiful candle depending on how well the craftsperson crafts them. Similarly, how craftsperson is held accountable for the beauty of the candle, parents are responsible for forming child’s personality. Have parents ever thought about how kids feel when they seek for their love and time?
Based on my personal experience it appears that folks who approach authoritarian parenting style rather prefer to maintain their strict image in front of their kids than caring about their feelings. By doing so, they are sowing the seeds of thought suppression. “Research on parental socialization of emotion highlights an interesting irony by showing that parents who attempt to restrict their children’s expression of negative feeling are especially likely to produce children who have emotional problems and social skill deficits” ( Wenzlaff, et al. 310).
Furthermore, suppression of emotional thoughts directly links to low self esteem which effects the personality of the child on long-term basis. “Authoritarian parenting is associated with children who are unhappy, socially withdrawn, distrustful, and moody. In addition, they tend to lack spontaneity and be overly dependent on others for directions and decision making. Finally, these children are more likely to be rejected by their peers and suffer from low selfesteem” (Stein, et al. 1).
Emanation from that, kids develop a self-concept based on their interpretation of parents reaction and complaints about them, and this adds to more mental stress than they already have from school. Parallel to this, they also build a misconception about themselves that they should avoid talking to people as they view themselves less than others, and this behavior gets termed as ‘personality disorder. ‘ But in actual lot of issues tangle with their growth. They often lost themselves in between the context of who they are and who they have to be.
By being authoritarian, parents lay down a foundation for kids to be rebellious. Kids often want to see what’s across that boundary line which has been created by their guardians. This nature arrives from them being frustrated and under pressure all the time. The only possible way they see to bring the change is by rebelling their actions. They do so by exploring the other side of the world and adapting new changes which are usually not approved by their parents.
As a result, they tend to question their parents which further leads to conflicts within the family because their parents are not used to have give and take conversation. At this point, one tries to get out of the undesirable situation. Unknowingly, authoritarian parents attempt to decipher new change as a threat to their prestige. This impacts their relationship in a negative way. So, this clearly depicts that authoritarian parenting style is not the right method to raise kids.
As a guide and a guardian, parents naturally try to provide their children with their best possible accommodations. Parents responsibility doesn’t end at providing accommodations; instead, they have to raise their children using particular parenting style. There are various types of parenting styles, among those styles most popular ones are authoritative and authoritarian. This two vary in degree of control parents has to their kids. As described above authoritarian style should be least preferable as it develops such consequences which leave kids own with psychological and personality disorders, with consisting problems like fear of failing at each step of life. Instead, parents should approach authoritative parenting style as it provides with the perfect balance between the love given and the degree of strictness applied. “They firmly enforce rules but do not unduly restrict their children’s activities or selfexpression.
In fact, authoritative parents recognize their children’s individual rights, interests, and unique style and encourage them to think for themselves” (Stein, et al. ). Moreover, kids raised under such type of guardianship tend to be more friendly, energetic, self-reliant, explorative and exhibit a high level of self-esteem. Authoritative parents encourage verbal give and take regarding any family rules and are willing to negotiate rather than just confining the child within the boundary. This develops respect for parents for viewing the situation from their perspective. Otherwise under authoritarian approach, kids would get frustrated and tend to break all the family rules, further causing tension.
So, it is clear that authoritative parenting style is the best approach. The primary strategy of this approach is understanding child’s perspective while enforcing the rules. Parents should always praise child’s good behavior and ignore minor misdemeanors. This way parents would be encouraging the good behavior. Also, parents should not impose their choices on kids, whether it is as little as choice of clothing to something like choosing major in college because this will provide the child with the freedom and encouragement needed to succeed in life.
This strategy will not only encourage healthy parent-child relationship but will also provide the child with the required experience for self-reference in regards to making right life decisions. Sam Richards in The Wisdom of Sociology video explains that the decisions we make are all embedded in and are outlined by our culture (2014). So, our choice of parenting approach can get influenced by various factors with culture being the most influential factor. Despite from which culture the parents are, if they want the best out of their child then they should approach authoritative parenting style instead of authoritarian parenting style.