“F**k this” I don’t believe that I have used that phrase more than during year twelve at school. Not because I want to sound cool or rebellious but because I actually have no idea what I’m doing, I’m sort of just winging it really. Leading up to year twelve, you get told by every single person who has experienced it, that is is one of the most challenging years of your schooling life. All of a sudden you are thrust into the deep end, there is so much to learn. Its almost impossible, but not only must you keep up academically but socially it is a very, I guess you could say trying year.
Everyone is trying to find themselves and it gets messy, friendships are lost and bonds are formed that you never would’ve thought could happen. Year eleven was a bit of a dummy run where academics are concerned. Last year we dipped our toes into the world of NCEA, and to be quite honest it was quite easy. I breezed somewhat through my exams without too much revision and drinking copious amounts of coffee as well as having five sugars in my tea. This year, however, we have have been tossed into the white water rapids with multiple internals, demanding our attention.
Even as I am writing this, I have a 92 page chemistry booklet to do or as my friends and I call it “chemystery”. I also am incredibly behind in a six credit fashion internal, which is so incredibly time consuming it’s hard to even start. You have to design and construct a dress and then write a 40 page report on what you did, how you did it, and then of course why. Thats really just the tip of the iceberg, we have six subjects and it is recommended, by all of my teachers, that I spend at least twenty minutes on each subject every night. In reality, it would e amazing to spend only twenty minutes on each subject.
I’ve just spent four hours working on one subject and in those hours I did not manage to complete even a quarter of the my work load. I often wonder if my teachers realise that I take other subjects and sometimes one subject takes highest priority? I’ve found that year twelve could be a very easy year. That is if we all had perfect time management skills, and we did nothing together then school work, however we don’t so keeping up with school work and maintaining a life outside school is very difficult.
I work two jobs and lead a somewhat busy social life. For me who bearing in mind has the worst organisational skills, this year is like riding a bike, except the bike is on fire, and you’re on fire and everything is on fire and you’re in hell. Just when you thought that the academic side of year twelve wasnt stressful enough, you have the ball to worry about. Sweating over decisions, attempting to get the perfect dress, shoes, makeup and hair. There is an expectation that you should look like a princess for the night.
I thought that after meticulous planning and preparation I had everything flawless. It felt like a fairytale. Perhaps I put too much pressure on myself to have an amazing time because, in the end I spent the entire night wishing it was better. Everybody spent the night trying to please each other, this gave the atmosphere a forced feeling it was like we were playing dress up. All the stress and the $500 | spent wasn’t really worth a night that in ten years I probably won’t remember all that well.
The ball is one exciting night of our lives but there is plenty more opportunities to have fun in our lives. The ball has made me realise that there is so much more to come outside of year twelve and the realm of Mahurangi. Personally, going into year twelve I was terrified and alone. I had been foolish I let myself become devoted to a boy, who after two years said he wasn’t ready for a relationship but wished he met me when we were 27. I thought that my future had been uprooted and destroyed. I forgot that what happens during this time will not necessarily shape the rest of my life.
So far this year everyone is rushing into growing up because we all think that we are older than we actually are, we don’t want to be treated like kids anymore so we pretend we are adults. In actuality we are just children. It seems that during the past twelve months the people around me have been on a mission to find themselves, which I find a confusing concept as I have always believed that I knew who my friends were, however the people in my life have changed more in the past few months then in the entire time I’ve known them.
Unfortunately people don’t always change for the better, at the beginning of the year I lost my best friend because she became set on a path of destruction. She traipsed around lying to everyone that cared about her. We were best friends for such a long time but there becomes a point when it is too hard to deal with all the negativity that comes with her. Not only that but it is too difficult to find that time to help her with whatever she is dealing with, I wish I could but I’ve come to realise that this year is not about friends its about putting yourself first because this year is hard enough without juggling friendships.
Moving forwards year twelve has taught me some pretty important life lessons. While I don’t think I am fully equipped to take on the world and all the stress that is involved in it I do feel confident in my ability to take on anything that is thrown my way. When I started the year I thought that I knew who I was and what I wanted, and now I am more sure than ever. I know who I am and where I’m going. But I have no doubt in my mind that next year, the start of my diploma is going to be ten times harder but I’m not scared because this really is the start of the rest of my life.
