They had overrun the White House in two days and the world in four. They should have listened. They should have listened. If only they had listened. Potato Bob Jones was an average American man, fat and bald. He lived in New York. He was very lonely even though he was relatively old, forty-two brand new. Bob was very socially awkward. Everyone thought he was crazy. He would always ramble on about a secret race of potatoes. He also didn’t bother to socialize. He was morbidly obese, he was very insecure. He was actually so big that the producers of “My 600-lb Life” refused to shoot an episode of him because he was too big.
However,it didn’t bother him too much; he was about to expose The Potatoes to the world. He had found enough evidence to prove their horrible existence. Bob remembered the first time he encountered The Potatoes was when he was on a vacation with his parents in L. A. His parents had won a trip to go meet Jean Claude van Damme, because he was totally the best actor in Hollywood, totally. While they were saying good-bye there was a strung gust of wind that blew his face off, revealing the potato he was. Ever since then he has been trying to uncover the truth and the reason of their existence on Earth.
Since then he has learned the identities of the most famous potato people. The list is expansive including celebrities such as Cara Delevingne, number one youtuber Pewdiepie’s pugs Mya and Edgar and his girlfriend Marzia, Harry Styles, and even Ed Sheeran. Bob called the ‘Murica Times to tell them about his discovery so they could warn the people of his findings. “You guys have to listen. The Potatoes, they exist. You have to warn the world of them before it is too late. They will begin their master plan on 6/7/25. ” “Sir, if you keep calling we will sue you for harassment. ” All of Bob’s phone calls went like that.
It was 6/6/25 and still no one believed him. The most terrifying thing of all of it was that he was having dreams of the uprising. He kept dreaming of the building of the pyramids. JFK’s assassination. MLK’s assassination. Abe Lincoln’s assassination. All the history changing events. And The Potatoes were all behind it. He dreamed of Bush. He was a Potatoes. Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II. Every political and influential figure in the world was a potato. They had slowly been gaining power since Kanye became the President in 2020. He was in his second term now. He couldn’t stand and do nothing he had to warn the people of The Potatoes.
He went to Manhattan and joined his fellow conspiracists in the streets and bared the emblem of a hero. A sign that said “The Potatoes are coming. The end is near. ” He lived with his brethren; getting money from strangers who lived for the cause. That night every political figure in the world made a national address to their nation saying, “People of Earth. We have risen. From now till we exterminate your kind, Trump Tower; or even better Trumptato Tower, will be the capital of the word. ” It had begun. 6/7/25 had begun. Suddenly tater-tots began rolling through the street, crushing everything and everyone in their path.
French fry wielding potatoes began stomping through the streets getting rid of all the humans insight. Find, smash, repeat. That is all they did. Bob knew what he had to do. He gathered his friends and ran to Trumptato Tower to fight back. They were on 52nd street when the troops arrived from the burning potato in the sky. Trumptato Tower was in between 56th and 57th street. The closer they got to it, the more potatoes they encountered. They didn’t have any weapons but they were all homeless and hadn’t eaten for days so they ate their way through the hordes of potatoes.
They seemed to be in a good position but all of his homeless friends were getting full. They were on 55th street when all the guards outside Trumptato Tower saw them. Unable to eat their enemies they decided to actually fight. They didn’t even get across the street before a tater-tot rolled over them and killed them all. They had overrun the White House in two days and the world in four. They should have listened. They should have listened. If only they had listened. Trumptato Tower was still the capital of the world. Rebellions were sparking all over New York.
Commotion had begun outside Trumptato Tower. Trump and his followers were fighting back. He had been in Florida on vacation when it began. Bob was Trump’s cousin and followed his theories from the start. He was prepared for the invasion although he never thought Bob was accurate with the day it would start. As soon as he heard they had taken over his Tower he got on a plane to New York and now there he was. Ready to fight for his country. Well for his tower. “I didn’t get that small loan of a million dollars from my father to lose it all to some immigrants! ”, Trump would scream.
He broke through the front doors and battled his way up the tower with rakes and shovels, smashing and tearing up the potato scum. He climbed and climbed and climbed. He climbed up to the 68th story to confront the master minds behind the invasion. He forced through the door only to find a strange sight. Kanye was on the floor. North and Saint West had killed Kanye. “Why? Why did you kill Kanye. ”, asked Trump. “He was only a puppet to our master plan”, said the children in synchronization with each other. ” “I want my tower back. ”, said Trump. “It was never your tower. ”, said North, the stronger of the two.
Enraged, Trump and his followers dashed at the enemy only to be stopped by their satanic potato powers. It was grotesque sight. The Wests tore apart most of Trump’s followers. “We aren’t even in our final form yet. ”, said the Wests. Suddenly their little potato arms turned into extra-thick cut french fries. Trump wasn’t scared though. He wasn’t about to give up his tower to immigrants. He picked up his rake and got ready for a greasy smack from both of them. As they approached him, Kanye got up and bit out part of Saint’s french fry arm. He was alive! “How! We killed you! ”, said Saint. “You thought!
Broccoli isn’t bad for you! ”, said Kanye. “Daddy… You lied. ”, said Saint. Saint let out a maniacal scream and threw Kanye across the room. With North distracted by the commotion, Trump smacked her upside the head with the rake, splattering her starchy brains all over Saint. Saint, confused with what had just happen stood in disbelief that North had just been defeated. Saint began to walk away from Trump only to trip over Kanye’s body falling from the 68th floor of Trump Tower to his death. Trump had done it. He had defeated The Potatoes and taken back his country. But his happiness didn’t last long.
Kanye was on the floor; breathing his last breath. “Trump. I want you to take care of Kim for me. She’s been in the bathroom for 15 days getting ready for the invasion. She’ll be out any minute now, but I am afraid I will not last that long. I want you to tell her I love her. ”, said Kanye. “Anything for you buddy. I love you like a brother Kanye. ”, said Trump. Just then Kim came out of the bathroom in her famous latex dresses. She wasn’t aware if the situation. She was in shock. She started to break down. “He was my longest lasting marriage. I loved him”, and she left. Trump stood in disbelief over Kanye’s dead body.
Trump had to rebuild America in Kanye’s image. As the sunset over 6/7/25 he said the pledge of allegiance and prayed to God. He loved America. Epilogue 4 years after the incident Trump made America a Utopia. Along with his Vice-President Kim, he made America everything Kanye dreamed of. In the middle of New York, the new capital of the United States, stood a statue of Kanye with a plaque reading: “Bro. Bro! Listen to the kids. First of all, thank you, Taylor, for being so gracious and giving me this award this evening. And I often think back to the first day I met you also.
You know I think about when I’m in the grocery store with my daughter and I have a really great conversation about fresh juice… and at the end they say, ’Oh, you’re not that bad after all! ’ And like I think about it sometimes. … It crosses my mind a little bit like when I go to a baseball game and 60,000 people boo me. Crosses my mind a little bit. And I think if I had to do it all over again what would I have done? Would I have worn a leather shirt? Would I have drank half a bottle of Hennessy and gave the rest of it to the audience? Ya’ll know ya’ll drank that bottle too!
If I had a daughter at that time would I have went on stage and grabbed the mic from someone else’s? You know, this arena tomorrow it’s gonna be a completely different setup. Some concert, something like that. The stage will be gone. After that night, the stage was gone, but the effect that it had on people remained. The … The problem was the contradiction. The contradiction is I do fight for artists, but in that fight I somehow was disrespectful to artists. I didn’t know how to say the right thing, the perfect thing. I just … I sat at the Grammys and saw Justin Timberlake and Cee-Lo lose.
Gnarls Barkley and the FutureLove … SexyBack album … and Justin, I ain’t trying to put you on blast, but I saw that man in tears, bro. You know, and I was thinking, like, ’He deserved to win Album of the Year! ‘ And this small box that we are as the entertainers of the evening … How could you explain that? Sometimes I feel like all this s–t they run about beef and all that? Sometimes I feel like I died for the artist’s opinion. For artists to be able to have an opinion after they were successful. I’m not no politician, bro! Look at that. You know how many times MTV ran that footage again? ’Cause it got them more ratings?
You know how many times they announced Taylor was going to give me the award ’cause it got them more ratings? Listen to the kids, bro! I still don’t understand awards shows. I don’t understand how they get five people who worked their entire life … sold records, sold concert tickets to come stand on the carpet and for the first time in they life be judged on the chopping block and have the opportunity to be considered a loser! I don’t understand it, bruh! I don’t understand when the biggest album, or the biggest video … I’ve been conflicted, bro. I just wanted people to like me more.
“But f–k that, bro! 015! I will die for the art! For what I believe in. And the art ain’t always gonna be polite! Ya’ll might be thinking right now, ’Did he smoke something before he came out here? ’ The answer is yes, I rolled up a little something. I knocked the edge off! I don’t know what’s gonna happen tonight, I don’t know what’s gonna happen tomorrow, bro. But all I can say to my artists, to my fellow artists: Just worry how you feel at the time, man. Just worry about how you feel and don’t NEVER … you know what I’m saying? I’m confident. I believe in myself. We the millennials, bro. This is a new mentality.
We’re not gonna control our kids with brands. We not gonna teach low self-esteem and hate to our kids. We gonna teach our kids that they can be something. We gonna teach our kids that they can stand up for theyself! We gonna teach our kids to believe in themselves! ” If my grandfather was here right now he would not let me back down! I don’t know I’m fittin’ to lose after this. It don’t matter though, cuz it ain’t about me. It’s about ideas, bro. New ideas. People with ideas. People who believe in truth. And yes, as you probably could have guessed by this moment, I have decided in 2020 to run for president. ”
