Adnan Sayed is guilty. I believe he murdered his girlfriend Hae Ming Lee in a case that has brought widespread public discussion through the forum of a contemporary radio show: Serial the Podcast. How do I know Adnan is guilty? Well of course I have no way of knowing, but in a completely different sense, I am completely sure. I know because I have lived with Adnan Sayed. I have been lied to by Adnan Sayed, and I am related to Adnan Sayed.
With any familiarity to the podcast, one doesn’t have to cast their search light far to find someone with the same charm and smooth-talking mannerisms as Adnan. The essential theme of Serial boils down to a dilemma that becomes more chilling the more time you spend pondering the question; Can someone who presents themselves as so likeable and sincere, really commit such an atrocity? In that past few years of my life, I have discovered first hand that, yes, the charismatic and amiable man I loved most in the world, was capable of things unforseen to everyone.
Sara Koenig, University of Chicago Alumni, is the driving force behind Serial, and what I think personally, makes the podcast so interesting. Each week you hear how Sara deliberates between thoughts that are purely cerebral and factual, to thoughts based on her intuition and what she feels Adnan is truly capable of. She describes Adnan with an array of words such as, “incredible likable”, “He’s really charming, really smart, really funny”, all of which amount to, ‘things that a premeditated murderer do not seem to be’.
While my father is not a murder suspect, he is not the innocent persona that he, and Adnan alike, portray. Listening to Serial felt as if someone was reading back to me my own thoughts and confusion written in a personal diary. Hearing Sara, a well educated, well rounded, and highly intellectual person, who even after pouring herself into this case, still had no definite conclusions, aided me in my own searching process, to realize that my confusion was only reasonable.
What I admire most about Sara’s deliberations, is when she knew she was not the most qualified person to decipher what a piece of evidence where valuable or incredible, and would call in an expert to hear what they would have to say, only in the end to disagree with them. Her method of gathering as much information as possible from a variety of sources, but also listening to her own intuition to come to an informed conclusion, is a skill I know she grew and developed at the University of Chicago, and one that I wish too as well.
Having a sort of ‘jump start’ in dealing with confounding circumstances, I have a willingness to expand upon what foundation of socratic style thinking I do have. For the past five years of my life I have been constantly questioning the rationality of my thoughts and actions, and surrounding myself with people who do the same. At UChicago, I will not only be able to replicate those circumstances which push me to challenge myself and others, but improve upon them.
I am still confused as to why my dad, who lived a beautiful life with us up until a few years ago, would hide another lifestyle from everyone he knew and supposedly loved. But while I am still grappling with that confusion, Sara Koenig, and The University of Chicago, have taught me that it’s okay to not have all the answers, as long as you don’t stop asking the questions. Just as I was writing this paper, news broke that The University of Chicago, would no longer encourage or tolerate, “trigger words” or “safe spaces”. That is the kind of community that I endorse, and covet.
The issue with having a father who may or may not suffer from a sex addiction (this is what I am referring to when I mention my confusion), is that sex, and pornographic themes are only becoming more prevalent in society. Driving from Chicago towards Michigan there are 22 advertisements depicting strippers and scantily clad females on larger than life billboards, for the viewing pleasure of people of all ages who happen to be heading north for a weekend getaway. Simply driving to get from one place to another, I am surrounded by triggers that I will never be able to escape.
I have been unsheltered to triggers at every turn, literally, for the past few years of my life, and I want no part of that to change. The constant exposure, to what is difficult to address, can be emotionally exhausting and draining, but what it does is most importantly, is give me no other option than to confront my own thoughts and opinions head on. Triggers, more than anything else, make you think. At UChicago, I would expect to encounter triggers of all fashions, as I would any college campus, most of which are rampant with laptops full of pornography and clusters of slimy, smooth talking people.
But in Hyde Park, I would be encouraged to dwell on the uncomfortable, and most importantly, be taught how to dwell critically and meanfullying. Imagining a future at the University of Chicago looks something along the lines of sitting at a desk under the dome of Mansueto Library, sipping a Medici Coffee, whilst reading the works of University of Chicago associate professor Shona Vas, “Don’t apologize unless you mean it: An empirical investigation of determinants of forgiveness”.
I believe the research opportunities offered at The University of Chicago, in the field of exploring contemporary, meaningful psychological themes, are unparalleled. And for the Victorian Gothic architecture, inquisitive maroon-clad student body and extraordinary faculty and staff? Some might consider those factors beneficiary when considering secondary education … I sure do. Like Sara Koenig, and the rest of my repertoire of UChicago role models, I have a lot of questions to ask the world, and The University of Chicago is where I want to learn how to do so.
