Can you picture yourself marrying, sleeping, or spending the rest of your life with a stranger? Someone you don’t love? Arranged marriages are very common for people in India (Nanda). Parents find their kids a partner with good education, same social class, and decent appearance (Nanda). They want to give their kids a good shot in life. But, what about love? Shouldn’t one marry the love of their life? A disrespect towards the real meaning of marriage I could say. When you are told who to marry, it’s overstepping the limit of your personal life. Arranged marriages in India are no surprise; they are common.
They believe arranged marriages will give their kids the life they deserve. They don’t care if you know the person or your opinion in general; it doesn’t count. Some kids even agree to this type of marriage. For example, Serena in the article “Arranging a Marriage in India” interviews a young lady who will be part of an arranged marriage (Nanda). Serena is not in favor of an arranged marriage and she wanted to understand why people would agree to such thing. “Where will be the fun to get married? There will be no mystery and no romance. ” (Nanda).
Serena is an American girl whose lifestyle is accustomed to dating and in India dating is not necessary. In India, every important thing in life is gained through family connections. They believe family is the most important thing to find the perfect match. As I previously stated, a good position in life, educated person, and decent person would be the perfect match (Nanda). Nanda asked the young girl: “Don’t you care who you marry? ” She responds: ” Of course I care… This is why I must let my parents choose a boy for me.
My marriage is too important to be arranged by such an inexperienced person as myself. (Nanda). Instead of giving themselves time to meet and know the person to see how they are, they allow their parents to look for their own match. If they would give themselves the time they need, they would see how the person is. By the age they decide to get married I’m sure they would be prepared to know what kind of person they are looking for. They run less of risk marrying someone brutal if they have known the person for a while, unlike if they were a stranger. They believe their parents are more experienced in marriages so they let them take over their future marriage.
In other words, Indians believe the e rate is low because parents takeover and decide who their kids will marry. They don’t have a choice, they marry a stranger that benefits them with no love at all. On the other hand, some arranged marriages aren’t beneficial at all. Why take the risk of marrying a stranger not knowing how they are? He could be brutal and abusive. That was the case of Joelle Mazoud. In the article “Life in a Forced Marriage. ” she discusses how her arranged marriage was the worst thing that had happened to her (Angel, MJ).
Joelle was a 16 year-old girl who lived in Australia when she was forced to marry an unknown man. Mazoud explains how she suffered physical abuse in her 8 years of marriage. “The years that followed were the darkest of my life… ” (Angel, MJ). She stated that because besides her getting hit and yelled at, she suffered 11 miscarriages. The fact that she wouldn’t have a baby caused more anger to grow in him (Angel, MJ). This is the perfect example on why people shouldn’t be a part of arranged marriages. Mazoud see’s an arranged marriage like “a business deal” (Angel, MJ). It’s not a marriage if you don’t agree with it.
Making your kid marry someone because they will give them a good life, economic wise, is clearly a deal. If you actually cared for your child’s future you would allow them to marry someone they love and feel comfortable with. So, then that would show that the parents support the happiness of their children. Not all arranged marriages turn out to be what you expect, as we can see. Marriage should be for those who love and most importantly know each other. In some cases we have seen that arranged marriages are successful. Although they don’t know the person, they use their marriage as a way of doing that.
For instance, in the article “The Married Indian: My Story of Arranged Marriage” Sameena Zaheer talks about how her marriage worked out good without love (Zaheer). She is an Indian girl who supports an arranged marriage. She states: “My parents found a boy who was well-bred and had an educated family background. ” (Zaheer). Sameena believes her parents chose a good guy because they both agreed on accepting each other on how they were throughout time. The young lady Serena interviewed believed her parents were more experienced and should decide who their kids marry. Yet, she doesn’t realize that some girls don’t run the same luck she did.
If, she had been paired up with a violent guy I’m sure her perspective on the topic would have changed. Marriage is very important to all of us and it’s not the best idea to divorce right away. One would say or think maybe the couple should work things out. But, a violent man is nothing easy to control. Someone doesn’t stop their hitting habits from one day to another. In India it would be considered as a disrespect towards the family to divorce (Zaheer).
So, if they don’t want people to divorce why pair them up with a stranger not knowing if they are physically abusive? | don’t think anyone would like to stay and deal with someone who is aggressive for their rest of their life or until he gets tired of it. As for Sameena her marriage was successful. Therefore, she says she would carry on the tradition with her future kids. “As a parent I have far more experience compared to my daughters. ” (Zaheer). She wishes her girls have an arranged marriage because in her experience it is a good decision. Not all arranged marriages work the same way, in this case it was worth it. Let’s not forget all couples are different, with different characters.
Joelle Mazoud wasn’t the only one who fell into an unsuccessful marriage. Manjali Bhagwandas also was one of the unfortunate girls who happened to be a part of an abusive arranged marriage. In her interview “India Domestic Abuse More Common in ‘arranged Marriages. ” she explains how she wished she never married an unknown man (“India Domestic Abuse More Common in’arranged Marriages. “). Bhagwandas, was only 18 when she was told to marry 21 year-old, Rakesh. Two months after the wedding Rakesh began hitting her. “Nobody tells the wife that the man has a bad temper or abusive parents. ” (“India Domestic Abuse More Common in ‘arranged Marriages. ).
If a parent wants the best for their kid and plan on forcing them to marry someone they should at least investigate if they are a family with problems or just not force them to marry someone they don’t know at all. As I previously stated you don’t know how the person may turn out to be. It’s all on the wife once you’re married, they have to take the hits they never asked for. Bhagwandas suffered abuse for 14 years and she claims: “marriage is the worst part of my life. ” (“India Domestic Abuse More Common in ‘arranged Marriages. “). She isn’t alone on the idea that, they type of marriage should be allowed.
Psychotherapist, Dr. Ramani, also agrees with her because she says arranged marriages happen to be more abusive than love marriages (“India Domestic Abuse More Common in ‘arranged Marriages. “). In love marriage you don’t think of hurting the person you deeply love and with who you want to spend the rest of your life with. On the contrary, in arranged marriages they don’t know each other so it could be less decisive deciding whether or not to hit the wife. We have come across another extreme case that is not in favor of arranged marriages. No one should be exposed to such a marriage if it could end up in physical abuse.
In conclusion, although we have came across successful marriages it is still a disrespect towards the real reason behind marriage; love. Marriage is a huge and important part of our life, so someone can live unhappy without love and won’t be able to do nothing about it if you can’t divorce. Risking that kind of marriage should be unacceptable. Even if it was successful, wouldn’t you want to be in love with the person you marry? I sure would want to be. It’s more than just living in wealth and with some handsome or pretty, it’s about living happy in a non-abusive relationship.