People are like clay in the process of being sculpted, always changing and never be the same afterwards. We age, learn and grow everyday of our lives. Sometimes we experience events that change us in some way and we can look back on that event and recognize a difference before and after that moment. A lifechanging experience that greatly contributed to forming the person I am today occurred during a three day confirmation retreat. I was born and raised Catholic, so it was expected that | would do Confirmation, and up until that point, I had been mostly passive about it before, seeing it as simply another after school activity.
It started on Friday in late February of 2013, where the date was set for us to meet at an office building parking lot in the center of town. I remember my dad rushing to the rendezvous after picking me up from school, warning me of the dangers of camping along the way. We arrived in time, so he wished me well, made sure everything was accounted for with the program leader Colleen, and drove back to work. || searched for my friend Nick and eventually found him on the other side of the lot, hand to brow like a sailor scanning the horizon.
After greeting each other with our special handshake we discussed the latest Nintendo games and happenings at our respective schools. Too soon the counselors, now in charge of a sizable number of teenagers, called for us to gather our baggage, handed out numbered stickers and led towards the similarly numbered rental vans, where we clambered on the loaded vans. Nick and I were fortunate enough to be seated together and we discussed with the other passengers our common intertwined excitement and apprehension about for our three day retreat.
Everyone was either dozing off, studying, or playing with their phones a third of the way into the drive through drought-riddled farmlands. When we arrived in late afternoon, I was struck by the dreamlike beauty of the lake, shrouded in a mysteriously ominous fog which wrapped itself around the landscape in a thick white vapor, yet the sun shone through like a spotlight. We assembled outside the mess hall and were assigned cabins and roommates. We were to unpack our baggage in the cabins and prepare for dinner with our newly assigned roommates.
I resented that Nick wasn’t in my cabin, but my roommates were friendly. We shared funny stories until it was time to head towards to the mess hall for a delicious Mexican buffet fit for an army of hungry teenagers. Afterwards Colleen recited the rules, and we were then escorted to our introductory activity. We were led to a collection of outdoor fireplaces, where we were taught the analogy of a flameless hearth being akin to a body without a soul, that everyone was born with a soul, and we needed to sustain it through wholesome deeds.
We were then given the opportunity to make s’mores and sing along to a variation of songs with a guitar playing counselor until curfew. I can confidently say that my cabin collectively fell asleep the moment our heads hit the pillows. The next day, we were awoken by a counselor walking along the cabins ringing a cowbell shouting ‘Wake up! ” at the top of his lungs. We dressed and walked to breakfast in the mess hall, with an offering of breakfast choices comparable to that of a Hampton Inn.
As the entire Confirmation group ate, we were divided into smaller groups, each led by a single counselor. Then we were off to our separate group activities, such as a lesson regarding how money didn’t buy happiness through a game show-inspired activity where we identified quotes from the Bible and the counselors opened envelopes with letters inside from “God,” and those were distributed as points. I was lucky in that my group was led by a younger counselor, and she was merciful enough to give us the summary of these lessons, as well as make them relatively fun and elevant to our lives, leaving us a chance to engage in other activities, such as talking about all the big pop culture trends including the Harlem Shake and Disney’s Frozen.
The moment that defined the trip for me was that very night, when the Confirmation group gathered in the meeting hall up the hill, a big wooden barn of a place like something out of Little House on The Prairie. There was a big wooden cross standing in front of the building, made of two large logs and reaching into the sky beyond even the barn. We all gathered inside making space for everyone to sit on the floor by pushing any furniture against the walls.
We underwent a series of activities that can all be summed up in one event that changed me into the person I am now. It was what some would most likely classify as an epiphany. Previously, I had been pretty passive in my philosophic beliefs; I had simply never given it too much thought and focused on other things. But afterwards, I felt like my mind was opened and I couldn’t think enough about anything. What happened was we started with a candlelight rosary of prayer, in a sense a vigil for all the problems we or someone we cared about was struggling with, with plenty of emotions and support all around.
Next we had confessionals and read letters from loved ones while waiting, which added to the total amount of crying, where I also shed a couple of tears from the sheer intensity of it all. The amount of faith and spirit in the room was enough to fill eight churches. When I confessed, I let every recent thing I could think of that had felt burdensome on my conscious bubble up to the surface, and I felt actual relief course through me as the priest absolved me. It was very gratifying to open up the manila folder handed to me filled to bursting with letters from my family, immediate and extended alike.
I read letters of encouragement, pride and love from each and every one of them, and I realized that by continuing Confirmation, I was keeping alive a long tradition and finding myself in some way. And I took into account how my group and I were all individuals who had been brought together by a common goal and together we were all able to achieve it. It was a spiritual awakening, and I can still feel the sensation of having my mind opened and a new form of consciousness emerging.
I sat with Nick in silence until we had all been absolved of our sins, and Colleen stood up and told us to walk outside, and gather around the cross. A spotlight had been placed at the base of the cross, and with the thick fog in the dark night sky, a giant cross graced the clouds above. It was beautiful, like a religious painting come to life. We sang and prayed at the base of the cross, and I did so with all my heart and soul, as I had experienced something truly special. The next day we returned home after morning mass and breakfast, exhausted yet rejuvenated.
What I have concluded from analyzing this experience is that this retreat happened at a very decisive time in my life, and I don’t regret going despite its regular platitude. This was a very influential experience in my adolescence that contributed to who | currently am. This retreat made me take my personal beliefs regarding spirituality and morals into consideration, and reevaluate my lifestyle into something I preferred. While I am glad I went, I can still remember feeling some lessons drove their point to a point of repetition, mainly revolving around the seven deadly sins and being a good Christian person in modern day society.
But I am overall glad I went through this event, because it made me realize my passion for good; I was also able to take a break and reflect on my beliefs, and compare to what my parents had raised me to believe; which is not something many people give themselves enough opportunity to do, and that’s not healthy in my view. I am glad I was able to develop a personal set of beliefs and values. This was an experience that profoundly changed me as a person, and made me really passionate about what I believed in.