Throughout my entire senior year, I had reflected upon my experiences in my high school career. With this, I have come to the conclusion that whomever said and believed that high school were the best years of their lives obviously did not ever attend such an institution. Although my input is rather cynical, I have realized that, although high school posed one of the most disappointing and exorbitant challenges, these barriers have helped me become the mature and forthright young adult I am today.
Within my first year of high school, I was already presented with an issue that I had to overcome and by luck, I surpassed this barrier to my success. Although seemingly trivial, the issue of surrounding myself with friends who shared my will and drive to succeed was rather difficult. In fact, this presented such a great challenge that just last year I was able to cut out (almost all) the toxic people in my life. Freshmen year, I was surrounded with potheads and Shea. Sophomore year, I become friends with this ringleader of this high school cult (just kidding) whose negative attitude became infectious and soon I adopted this behavior.
With this, I had also become not only a bully but also covetous and had lashed out at nearly everyone for not having the freedom or material possessions others had. Junior year, I had continued these tendencies. Coupled with the stress of AP Biology as well as AP US History, I failed to manage my anxiety, stress, and depression and had spiraled into a vortex of self-destruction, which engulfs me from time to time. This year, I was being a punk and continued being a covetous little ball of anger.
Although I was not fighting with my parents as much as the previous year and did not get disowned yet, I get into periodic fights with them about how I feel like I’m slowly being accustomed to being left at home as part of their insidious master plan to finally abandon me in a rubber room with nothing to do but tend to a plant that, to my utter dismay, is plastic and all happiness contained in that one plant will have become destroyed like nearly all my real hopes and aspirations. Luckly, I have overcame nearly all these challenges.
Freshmen year, I became distant with the original group of hooligans, excepting Shea, because of my increasing demands with high schools, clubs, and golf. As for the friend who turned out to be a bad influence, a horrible friend, and an incorrigible person, I had finally had enough of her “badass attitude” which seemed to be a “cool” thing in her little cult and decided that being a [insert here] was not for me. As for the anxiety, depression, and stress which I experience to this day, I have worked on managing it which has, thankfully, been incredibly easier with the help of close friends.
The last challenge has yet to be resolved but will hopefully be soon. As for now, I have distanced myself from my parents and am making plans to become somewhat financially stable to move out so I can be emotionally and physically stable. The life lessons I’ve learned came with a great price. Although I have been through some unnecessary [insert here], I have learned that perseverance, determination, and effort may not help you attain your goals. However, if you do not attempt to achieve your goals, then you didn’t even have a chance.
Along with this, I have learned that if you experience repeated failures, and although you have been bereft of an award you probably should have earned, you have earned the most precious thing than a carbon based possession. Experiencing failure and having the courage and strength to keep moving on, often equates that in future situations where there is little to no chances of success, you will develop the emotional and perhaps the physical resilience needed to not only survive but to also succeed in this world.
With this, I have learned that in certain cases, giving up is also the best option and it is ultimately up to oneself to determine when to persevere and when to shift focus. Throughout high school, I had a lack of a support system, which led to the vortex of doom. Now that my foundations are stronger, I am strong enough to face my demons most days. The people that have helped me through these times were my brother, my boyfriend, and Ify. Understanding and experiencing similar home situations allowed me to connect to both my brother and Ify because so many others could not fathom our daily lives.
Both of these people have helped me recover from a condescending and lecture of which nearly always stems from a misunderstanding or a refusal to by offering a comforting presence, food, and help whenever I needed it. My boyfriend has understood most of these challenges and continues to make sure that I am okay by constantly working to make sure that I feel safe and loved which is a fairly rare experience. I thank all the gods as well as God and whomever anyone prays to for having these people light up my world and support me in whatever I do. My biggest achievement in high school was during the Washington Model United Nations Conference.
Although I didn’t get an award because it was rigged, I had managed to power through all the crap and kissing up sprouted by the east coast kids as well as the dangerously low amounts of sleep and junk food we could barely afford. Despite the odds, Anida and I kept working together and honestly blew the others out of the water with our perfectly crafted speeches and with the level of effort we put into every minute has made me proud of our efforts. Throughout my high school career, I have volunteered at a multitude of locations for several events.
The place where I have been humbled and learned more than at any other place was down the hall, in the math tutoring room. There, I learned not only how to help explain how to help solve equations but also how to relate to others, and put them at ease in order to induce an environment where they feel safe enough to be open to learning and relearning concepts missed in the classroom. By fine turning these people skills, I am inching towards my goal to become a doctor with a great bedside manner. As for after high school, I have plenty of fears and worries that plague me constantly.
I do not have the fear of becoming unsuccessful but rather the fear of finally becoming a doctor and not having enough time for my future husband and kids. I do not fear leaving the nest, but rather the responsibilities that I must suddenly carry in the sharp descent into adulthood. I fear the loneliness and lack of a support system as my friends and boyfriend move away and continue on their journeys rather than the fear of having to make new ones. But what I ultimately fear is the unknown and shrouded future in which nearly all elements are out of my control.
Looking back on my goals I have created in the beginning of the year, I can proudly say that I have actively worked to achieve those goals. I have maintained good grades in math as well as my other classes as well as a cleaner table to do schoolwork on. However, I still need to figure out my studying plans so I can study efficiently so I can become more successful in college. Along with this, I still need to work on getting a medical internship of which I can ask my doctor so I can shadow her and get some experience under my belt.
Although high school has been an admittedly rough time, I am grateful for all the people I have met, especially the teachers too, because they have helped me garner the strength and determination to keep moving forward. There also cannot be enough said for the people in my life have given me chances to prove myself and have helped me further shape my identity. Without them, I may have not decided to keep surviving and fighting each day, but now, with the aid of so many advisors and fellow students, I exist today and will hopefully help others going through similar troubling experiences.