I never thought me, of all people, would experience such a sorrowful day. I have tried to forget it time and time again; but the reality is I will always remember every miniscule detail, moment, word, and facial expression on that particular day. My heart managed to shatter into a million pieces, leaving me without a reason to pursue my existence. My salty tears freely rolled down my warm cheeks, causing my eyes to burn sensationally. I remember mourning on the comforting shoulders of my family members, as they too were consumed by their feelings.
The most valuable lesson that beared a reservation in my spirit was to cherish every moment and loved one, for tomorrow is not guaranteed to anyone. I wish I could have fathom this reality before the climactic tragedy struck me like a ton of bricks. Although death is normal, it seemed almost foreign when it abducted the life of my favorite uncle. Arthur Lynn Smith was always the man of the hour. He was the most caring, intelligent, humorous, encouraging individual, favored and respected by many. Miraculously, he never missed a beat when it came to being the perfect uncle; he equally loved and cared for all of his nieces and nephews.
He had a big hand in raising us and held great significance over our lives. We undoubtedly adored and enjoyed calling him “Our Uncle Bug”. For this reason and many more, devastation stunned the family when we discovered he had only a few weeks to live. In this unfortunate situation, the main antagonist was not death itself, but cancer. Uncle Bug was diagnosed with stage four cancer, it swiftly dominated his brain, pancreas, and liver. After the assured doctors released this life altering news, emotions instantaneously filled the air.
It was evident that my Nana’s soul acquired the most affliction. Her brother, best friend, protector, and provider was being absorbed by one of the biggest enemies known to mankind. I could easily relate to the depictions of pain painted in her hazel eyes. They matched that of Uncle Bug’s aloof bluish gray eyes. He spent a total of ten consecutive days in a nearby hospital where he was visited by anxious family and friends. Everyone was ardent about making the atmosphere as loving and easygoing as possible. Everytime I was in his presence, I persisted to tell him, “I love you Uncle Bug”.
He would always reply, “I love you too baby”. This created a serene mindset that made me proud to be his baby. From time to time, he would share his million dollar smile. It lit up the room and was a contagious epidemic that blessed everyone. However, after about two weeks the plot to this conflicted story took a turn in a different direction. As elucidated by the doctoral staff, there was nothing else they could do to cease the cancer from viciously spreading. At this point, Uncle Bug went to stay with Nana where he was comfortable and happy.
He continued to remain the man of the hour with numerous visitors every day. Since my mom is a nurse, she took great care of him and did everything in her power to ease his mental and physical pains.. He would always tell her, “You know you my favorite right”. At moments like these her smile would stretch across the equator. It was enchanting how Uncle Bug was still able to bring joy to everyone’s life, although he was not feeling good himself. As each day passed, another butterfly was invited to float freely around my stomach. I had never been so nervous in my life.
I could no longer focus in school, communicate with my friends, or live my life as I knew it. How could I, when I knew a vital piece of me would soon be absent? I grudgingly attended school every morning, not knowing whether or not I would come home to my favorite uncle. One particular day, my nana picked my sister and Tup from school. The emotional vibe in the car was awkwardly groggy. She drove to our house and we prepared our things to go to her house later. She was in the kitchen, casually washing the two or three dishes left in the sink, when her phone began to ring.
It was my mom calling to inform her that Uncle Bug had made his transition to heaven. I instantly heard my nana shriek and a river of tears covered her small, structured face. Her next spoken words will forever be imbedded in my mind, spirit, heart and soul. “Amber and Alexis come on, we gotta go. Uncle Bug just died. ” Reality hit me so hard that I knocked unconsciousness. My body decided to move faster than my mind. I refused to accept my nana’s announcement. As stumbled down the stairs, I left a lake of tears. I couldn’t help it, Uncle Bug was really gone.
The car ride from my house to Nana’s house was silent, yet powerful and intense; those twenty minutes felt like a lifetime. I slowly walked into the house, attempting to mentally prepare myself. I strolled to the guest room, where Uncle Bug had been staying, and gently pushed the half cracked door open. I immediately felt my heart shrivel and land amongst the butterflies that had been afloat days before. There was gospel music playing, the blinds were open, and my mom and aunt were standing around the bed. There he was.
Uncle Bug looked just as handsome as ever, and a beam of light gleamed on his stress free face, as if it was a sign from God. He had a slight smile on his face, representing joy to come. My nana had gained enough mental strength to come in the room. Out of respect, everyone left the room so she could have her moment in peace. I felt her scream rush through my body. All recall her saying was, ‘Why… why… why? Why God? ” I really wanted to take all the pain from her and bare it on myself. I could not understand why it had to be my uncle. He was a wonderful person and deserved to live for eternity.
I remember questioning God, “Why did you choose him? My uncle? “. | pleaded that he took me as a sacrifice instead. After days of close examination, I stumbled across my own reasoning. Uncle Bug needed to be relieved of worldly stresses in order pursue complacent peace. I still feel his spirit with me; I failed to understand that I never lost him. He will forever hold a special place in my heart, for he is my guardian angel. There is not a day that goes by where I don’t think about his contagious million dollar smile, I can’t help but smile towards heaven.